Today…

Was just like any other day I’ve been having.  I don’t even know why I bother to write blogs when they’re all about the same thing…it doesn’t make me feel any better, it doesn’t calm me down, it doesn’t do anything!  I guess the only reason I keep writing is because I hope and wish with all my heart, that one day I’ll look back on these blogs and say to myself ‘oh what a depressed, pathetic child I was back then; at least now I’m over all that and I can be happy’.  But I know that will never happen.  This will continue to haunt me for the rest of eternity.  It will keep the tears flowing, the screams of desperation bellowing out forever, until I do something to fix this whole thing.  Until I can repair the damage that they have inflicted so brutally onto this one thing.

I can’t even look back on the past.  The memories themselves are too painful, and those were the only things that kept me going.  It’s all one vicious cycle, with no end and no beginning…

When everyone around me is laughing and enjoying their lives and I can’t, it just seems so worthless.

When my friends look to me for support, and I can’t give it because I’m drowning myself, it just seems so worthless.

When I lash out at people who have done nothing but stand by me, simply because I’m fed up with my own life, it just seems so worthless.

My life is worthless.  So why bother to continue?  For how much longer will those meaningful words that you once told me to believe in continue to overbear on this crushing desire to just end it all?